FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME NOT, FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME NOT...

Letter to you, dearie

My love, maybe I was just mistaken, you hate me now. & I hope you don’t think I’m feeling like the victim, but it’s what I think. I guess.

Well, how I’ve been? I think I would say ‘very good, thank you’ but, do you want to know the truth?
Now and then, I turn really sad hate me because I’m a stalker, I usually see pictures of you and her, smiling and being happy. & I wonder; Are you? I think you really are, sorry for the question.

I’m really overwhelmed, because of the feeling that I got stuck on you, even when I want to get over you, I can’t. I fall down, rise & fall again.

Do you want to know a secret? Each time I sit in front of the computer I remember when we used to talk for hours, and now you’re not here. I don’t miss you, I’m just saying. So, I read the old conversations, the silly ones, the stupid ones, the caring ones, the last one. While reading them I listen to Untouchable a Taylor Swift’s song, sometimes I cry or laugh, or just smile wondering what would happened if I never told you that I liked you back, and love you. What do you think?
What would happened if that night you just stay quiet I didn’t told me you liked me.
Do you know what I remember the most, from all the conversations? When you told me you wanted to hug me. Maybe you just don’t remember it. Maybe I shouldn’t make you remember.

A friend of mine told me that you said you don’t like me, or even remember me. I hate to say this, but I believe it. You know, I wanted to give you a present for your birthday. I don’t know what to give you, because if you don’t like me now (as a friend) maybe you don’t want it. Or maybe you’ll going to hate the present, or maybe it wouldn’t be enough for you. So maybe it doesn’t worth it.

When I get to see you, I don’t know what to do, but smile (also shaking, get pale, and stutter, what a shame).  And when you smile, I swear you shine, and your eyes are so…shining, well, you shine brighter than the sun (I hope you don’t take this as a romantic saying. It’s only the truth with no second senses).

Even when all the words in this letter I put before, they are only a way to fill the space. I just wanted to say; thanks, you made me stronger and smarter, I won’t make the same mistakes I did.
I won’t love and care so much as I did, because it only hurts. Thank you, you made me stronger, maybe you think I understand Stronger wrong, because I gave you the wrong reasons, but I understand it more than anybody else. I stay strong.

Take care of you… be happy…

I'm losing what I don't deserve... ♪♫♪ Ohhhh... ♪♫

Does it break my heart? Of course it does. Every time I read all those old letters from you, I miss you. I constantly get lost in the past, get lost in your eyes. Your brown eyes. Every day, every minute and second I think of you, I think of how we were, of how we are. I wish I could walk away with you, and talk for hours without any shame, but if we do I’m scared I couldn’t be strong enough to face you. You know you kill me, that’s why I prefer to ignore you.

When I see you, I remember everything we were, and everything we would be, everything we should be. I remember that night when you told me. I remember those few seconds when you looked at me into my eyes, with so much care. That day I hesitated into looking at yours, because it was so beautiful.

But maybe, I wasn’t that girl that you thought I was; maybe I wasn’t strong enough for you. Not pretty enough, smart enough, happy enough and old enough, for you.

I’m sorry.

I guess right now we’re those old friends that fool themselves just, for not have to remember. Even when this hurts so fucking much, I’ll fake a smile every time I see you, so you know we’re ok. That I just forgot, like you did.

I wish you the best, learn, live and love like it was you’re last day please. Smile, and be happy. Take care.

Sincerely yours forever,

Jozzy.

http://killermonsterroll.tumblr.com/

El movimiento de sus labios ya no era lento, vacilante o tierno, se volvió en algo completamente distinto, era una sensación nueva entre el deseo y la desesperación a un ritmo frenético.